Progress report from Trump’s glorious fourth reich
DISCLAIMER FROM THE AUTHOR
Although this article is satirical in nature, it should not be taken lightly, because Donald J. Trump and his fellow fascists are working hard to make it a reality.
For additional information, please read America: The Rise of the Fourth Reich (Pravda.Report, July 24, 2020).
GREETINGS FROM THE FRONT LINES OF THE FOURTH REICH
All hail Fuhrer Trump, long may he reign!
The battle goes well for the glorious Fourth Reich: Reichsfuhrers Chad Wolf of the Allgemeine SS and William Barr of the Gestapo have made substantial inroads into our glorious nation’s major cities, quashing all in their path who foolishly demand that all races be treated equally and fairly, and eviscerating the authority of politicians who refuse to genuflect before Fuhrer Trump and acknowledge his noble genius.
Our glorious Reich has also replaced the empty oath to the Constitution-that vacuous piece of paper created by well-meaning but foolish idealists-with an oath of allegiance to our glorious Fuhrer Trump. Already, in cities throughout the nation, we are joyously seeing how vigorously the agents of the Fourth Reich’s federal government are ignoring the restrictions of this moribund Constitution and embracing instead the unbridled cruelty bestowed upon them by their new oaths.
OUR NEW NATIONAL ANTHEM
In keeping with our unwavering fealty to our glorious Fuhrer, America now has a new national anthem. Everyone is required to memorize the words and be able to recite them on command if ordered to by the SS or Gestapo. The words are as follows:
All hail Fuhrer Trump!
Long may he reign.
America’s loss of freedom
Will be the Fuhrer’s gain.
We once fought a revolution.
We once opposed a king.
Now we have Fuhrer Trump,
So, let your spirits sing.
Let his name be honored
From shore to shining shore.
Let foolish hopes for equality
Be banned forevermore.
OUR GLORIOUS FUHRER HAS SINGLE-HANDEDLY ENDED THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC
Many of America’s malcontents, who believe their puny lives are as important as Fuhrer Trump’s, dared to criticize his handling of the COVID-19 pandemic. They even dared to question the honorable wisdom of Reichsfuhrer Betsy Devos for simply wanting to conduct our second eugenics experiment-how will the Coronavirus affect schoolchildren?
Our first eugenics experiment goes well. Our glorious Fuhrer learned from the Third Reich that directly killing people risks exposing one’s evil to the world. So instead, Fuhrer Trump and his loyal governors came to realize it is much easier to have people kill each other, by simply claiming that taking precautions during a dangerous pandemic, such as wearing a mask, “intrudes” on their personal freedom. To have young and middle-aged people resist wearing masks so they can infect the elderly and the infirm-who are a drain on the financial resources of our glorious Reich, and who have the highest prospect of dying if they contract the Coronavirus-is an ingenious way to cleanse our society while our glorious Fuhrer feigns “compassion” at the same time.
But there is even more great news! Ever since Fuhrer Trump banned all testing for the Coronavirus, prohibited the media from reporting on it, censored scientific experts from discussing it, and hidden the statistics about those who contracted it, our glorious Reich can now proudly report that not a single person in America has this virus.
ALL MONUMENTS TO SLAVERY AND WHITE SUPREMACY WILL REMAIN
Since Fuhrer Trump’s desire to “Make America Great Again” incorporates his personal desire to return the nation to a time when white supremacy was the norm, he is continuing to pursue his noble quest to honor and defend monuments, symbols, and military bases named after those great men and women who had the courage to secede from America to defend the esteemed institution of slavery. Fuhrer Trump remains committed to ensuring their memories are not sullied by subversive movements like “Black Lives Matter,” and will deploy his SS and Gestapo to stop and reverse any inroads these movements may have made.
Let’s applaud Fuhrer Trump, who is so dedicated to promoting the racist causes of the Fourth Reich that he refuses to take time out of his busy schedule to attend the memorial service for the late Congressman John Lewis. The Fuhrer, in his great wisdom, knows that Mr. Lewis was foolhardy for risking his life to improve the lives of African Americans, because people should only be willing to risk their lives to further the glory of Fuhrer Trump.
Let’s also applaud Fuhrer Trump for taking time out of his busy schedule to wish an accused child molester named Ghislaine Maxwell well. Citizens of the Fourth Reich should be thrilled to know that their great and glorious Fuhrer has his priorities in order.
But Fuhrer Trump’s nostalgia is not limited to white supremacy and pedophilia. In his great wisdom, he is also going to allow the United States Congress and the Judicial Branch of government to pretend to function, provided that none of their edicts contradict his commands, ambitions, or malfeasance.
PRAISE OUR GREAT FUHRER’S COURAGE AND DAMN THE COWARDICE OF HIS ENEMIES
Our great nation is blessed with a Fuhrer who, time and again, demonstrated his bravery against overwhelming odds, while his enemies cower in fear.
For example, just look at the cowardice of the Navy veteran in Portland, Oregon, who was politely disciplined with clubs and tear-gas by loyal members of Fuhrer Trump’s SS and Gestapo. Look how he trembled in fear and begged for mercy by silently standing there while this discipline was applied.
Inability to serve
Now recall how Fuhrer Trump mournfully wept about his own inability to serve in America’s military after he paid off a doctor to falsely report he had “bone spurs”-a condition far more calamitous than the mere broken bones this Navy veteran suffered. Even back then Fuhrer Trump knew he needed to live so he could one day build our illustrious Reich.
And let’s not forget the glorious repercussions suffered by the Mayor of Portland for having the audacity to defy our Fuhrer by actually joining protesters on the streets to hear their grievances. Fortunately, our illustrious SS and Gestapo were there to tear-gas him too, or, as the glorious Fuhrer states, “They knocked the hell out of him.”
Contrast these actions-actions that our great Fuhrer sagaciously labeled foolish and pathetic-with the intrepidness Fuhrer Trump himself displayed when he bravely hid in a bunker during protests in Washington, D.C., and how our great Fuhrer’s bravery was magnified when he ordered his Reichsfuhrers to tear-gas peaceful protesters so he could courageously walk to the steps of a church he rarely attended to display a book he never reads.
How brave our great Fuhrer is to have the wisdom to ridicule those who made sacrifices our great Fuhrer never made himself. How blessed Americans are to have such a noble leader, and how grateful we are for the bunkers he hides in.
CELEBRATE THE RISE OF THE FOURTH REICH
So, let your hearts ring with joy, and celebrate your good fortune for living in the time when the failed American experiment into democracy was replaced by our glorious Fourth Reich. No longer will your heart be heavy with the burden of deciding who to vote for; no longer will you need to think, speak, and act for yourself; no longer will you have to ponder what freedom, equality, and justice means; and no longer will you have to be shackled by the world of reality.
Fuhrer Trump has made voting unnecessary, because those opposed to his wisdom do not deserve the right to vote; Fuhrer Trump will think, speak, and act for you; and freedom, justice, equality, and reality will mean whatever Fuhrer Trump tells you they mean.
Now people of the Fourth Reich, you are truly free-free from responsibilities, free from politics, free from all those heavy burdens that liberty and democracy once placed upon you.
All we ask in return is your unwavering obedience, your unquestioning loyalty, and unhesitating devotion.
All hail Fuhrer Trump, long may he reign!
David R. Hoffman, Legal Editor of Pravda.Report